The Need for Love and Connection

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  • #7592


    Are you comfortable asking your partner or a friend to love and connect with you in new, healthy ways?  

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    • #9419


      The majority of my friends support and exhibit a healthy lifestyle, therefore I will not have problems connecting with them. As mentioned in another post, wine may be problematic from time to time in celebrations. My husband, can sabotage my efforts even as he professes to not. I will embrace more outdoor activities with him and create a healthy bond through it.

    • #8867


      I think sharing a meal with loved ones is a wonderful experience and I think I am understanding the difference of how to share a meal but not bond over food… when the connection is created through indulging in food, not intuitively eating, we are meeting the need for connection through food. My ex-husband and I definitely did that to a level that was so very unhealthy for both of us. We met so many relationship needs through food. Sadly. I was aware of it but didn’t know how to address it. I know for me, the fact that we did that, only drove the loneliness that I felt in the relationship deeper. Also, lke you TarieB, my husband would sabotage my efforts by bringing me gifts of chocolate, which I wanted and didn’t want. I would then indulge.

      Like you Denise, as you know, I don’t have a partner. I am comfortable asking my friends to connect with me in healthy ways. I think in some ways that already happens, although there is some commiserating over problems. I know that at times I am better at being present than others but it is something I definitely will work on as a way to make sure I am making the shared meal about the relationship and not about indulging.

      Denise, I understand that experience of feeling discomfort if I eat it and discomfort if I don’t. I face that at parties or gatherings where there is food I don’t want to eat but then become focused on it because it is uncomfortable to not eat it. I hope your efforts to call on your inner warrior to walk away from the cupboard were successful. You inspire me to try that in the future.

      I know this may not work for you at work, Denise, but the idea of making the gathering or the party about connecting with people, instead of the food, helps me envision another way of practicing self-love.

    • #8066


      I haven’t had a partner in many years. My last relationship he was not supportive of my weight loss at all. I think there might have been jealousy but I couldn’t be certain and I don’t want to judge him. What I know was it was part of the reason we are not together now. I couldn’t be with someone that needed me to be overweight to enjoy me.

      I am finding this self love piece very confusing. I have clearly abandoned myself and this is not a new discovery for me but I was stumped by the worksheet question of “what strategy can help me through discomfort?” I face it every morning at work with a cupboard full of snacks in the kitchen. I am trying to figure out how to get through the day. I feel discomfort without the food and discomfort when I eat it. Maybe tomorrow I will visualize my warrioress standing in front of the cupboard encouraging me to walk away. 🙂

    • #8032


      I think that sharing a meal with those we love is such a beautiful thing. The conversations and connects I’ve had with others over a meal are often near divine. I am so lucky that I have a tribe of girlfriends who get it. They support healthy eating. Where we occasionally fall short is with wine – and sometimes we don’t drink wine at all, but it can be a problem at other times.
      My husband and I have bonded over food since day one and not always in a healthy way. This is an area that is more likely to be a struggle for me. He is outwardly supportive, but then will sometimes bring treats in the house when I’m abstaining. It is an area we are working on, but one that has tripped me up in the past.
      As a little girl my mother would reward good behavior with candy. It is a habit that I carried into adulthood and one that just no longer works for me. I do occasionally find myself sliding back into that rewarding myself mentality.
      I love the idea of being intensional about focusing on people over the food. That doesn’t mean that the food won’t be enjoyable, but maybe not the primary focus. 🙂

      Bethany, I have found that when my husband and I do some kind of physical activity together it provides a wonderful bond and time of connection, especially when we are out-of-doors. We plan to try to hike more often this year.

    • #7922


      I am very lucky that both my husband and I are on this weight loss healthy lifestyle together. We can laugh together when we see ourselves drooling of those giant trays of cookies at Costco. We exercise together and make plans together. As we are older, I often worry what would happen if one of us died. The loss would be devastating. We are our own best friends. I have to tell myself to enjoy today and let tomorrow happen when it does.

      • #8002


        That is so sweet! I feel the same way about my husband. He is so supportive of whatever I want to do. I need to find something physical we cna do together…besides.. you know…oh lala

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