When life throws a curveball, it’s natural to want someone to lean on. But finding the right person to confide in—someone who genuinely supports and uplifts you—requires thought and discernment. Choosing the wrong person could lead to feelings of betrayal or disappointment, while the right person can provide the comfort and clarity you need to navigate tough times. So, how do you ensure you turn to the right person when you need help the most?
Linsey Lunny, CEO of Hidden Strength, offers this advice: “Trust is earned and grows through good experiences. It might be an idea to try sharing a little with someone to see if they are able to keep it confidential—something you’re not too worried will be passed on. If this works out well, you’ll feel more confident in sharing a little more.”
Building trust takes time and intentionality, but certain traits can help you determine if someone is the right person to lean on during challenging moments. Here’s a closer look at some key characteristics of a trustworthy confidant.
Consistency: A Reliable Foundation
One of the hallmarks of a dependable person is consistency. Do they behave the same way regardless of the situation or who they’re with? A consistent person doesn’t have a façade—they are genuine and predictable, providing a sense of stability that’s crucial when you’re seeking support. If someone’s behavior seems erratic or changes based on their audience, they might not be the best choice for sharing your vulnerabilities.
Compassion: The Heart of Empathy
Compassionate people are a safe harbor in times of need. Ask yourself: Have you seen this person exhibit empathy or kindness toward others? Have they been there for you in a meaningful way before? Someone who naturally shows compassion is more likely to understand your struggles without judgment, offering not just a listening ear but a caring heart.
Respect: Boundaries Matter
Respect is foundational in any healthy relationship, especially when it comes to confiding in someone. Does this person respect your boundaries, whether emotional, physical, or otherwise? A trustworthy individual won’t push you to share more than you’re comfortable with and will honor your need for privacy. They understand that support doesn’t mean overstepping—it means creating a safe space for you to open up.
Kindness: A Reflection of Their Character
Kindness is more than a pleasant demeanor; it’s a reflection of how someone views and treats others. A kind person will approach your struggles with care, treating you the way they’d hope to be treated in a similar situation. Observe how they interact with others in their life. Do they practice kindness consistently, even when there’s no benefit to them? If the answer is yes, they might be a good person to lean on.
Support: Showing Up When It Counts
A supportive confidant is someone who’s there when you need them most. Do they check in on you, follow through on their promises, and offer help without you having to ask? Reliability in small, everyday moments often translates into steadfastness during major life events. A supportive person ensures you feel less alone in your struggles.
Honesty: The Cornerstone of Trust
Trust can’t exist without honesty. Has this person been truthful with you in the past? An honest individual won’t shy away from giving you the truth—even if it’s difficult to hear—but they’ll do so with care and tact. Their transparency can give you confidence that they won’t hide or twist things when you need clarity.
Trust in You: A Mutual Bond
Finally, consider whether this person trusts you. Do they confide in you about their own thoughts and feelings? Trust is a two-way street, and if they’ve opened up to you, it’s often a good indication that they value and respect your relationship. Their willingness to share with you can signal that they’re likely to honor your trust in return.
Building Trust: A Step-by-Step Process
As Linsey Lunny wisely suggests, trust isn’t built overnight. It grows through shared experiences and small acts of reliability. If you’re unsure about someone’s trustworthiness, start by sharing something minor to see how they handle it. If they respect your confidence, you’ll feel more comfortable opening up about more significant issues in the future.
When choosing someone to turn to, remember that it’s okay to be selective. Not everyone in your life is equipped to provide the type of support you need, and that’s okay. By focusing on consistency, compassion, respect, kindness, support, honesty, and mutual trust, you can identify the right person to stand by you during life’s most challenging moments.
